The intended audience is competitive dancers. That is no to say it applies to all competitive dancers, or not to social dancers; merely that I believe this applies for fairly serious partners, as is often found among a competitive dancers. Don't take it as gospel, and if you have a working partnership that is very different from what's described here, more power to you. Don't try to fix what ain't broke.
Finally, remember that this is free advice. If it doesn't work, I'll give you a full refund, but that's about it.
I've broken them down into 3 stages. The first is for partners just starting out together; the second is for partners who have been together for 6-24 months; and the third is for long term relationships. Of course, you need to decide which questions are right for you. Beginning dancers should not feel overwhelmed at the number of questions. You need not know answers to them all, or even ask them all. Chances are you don't yet know what you want from dancing, which styles you'll stick with, what you want in a partner, or how committed you're going to be to dancing. For this reason many teams usually require their rookies to dance with different partners their first semester. Regardless of what you do ask your partner, simply be aware that the issues may come up as the partnership matures.
Most importantly, remember that people change. I encourage you to re-ask any question at any point in the relationship, because the answer you or your partner give may have changed over time.
I can't possibly address all issues here, but I'll try to tackle one common one. What do you do when you and your partner disagree? This could be on what figures go into a routine, or the technique for a step or anything else relating to your actual dancing. When asked this question at the International DanceSport Festival in January, 2000 Dan Calloway had this suggestion: do it your partners way for 5 minutes; then have him or her do it your way for 5 minutes. During that time you must do whatever your partner says, no matter how much you may disagree, and visa versa for your turn. See which you like. (I personally find it easier to also wait 20 minutes after trying both ways, to give you both "cool off" time so you're not so focused on getting your way. But that may not work for everyone.)
In general, what's important is to have a process. When people disagree, they get emotional, and tend to associate themselves with their position. The disagreement becomes personal and their judgment gets clouded. So before the fighting begins (e.g. at the start of a relationship), have a plan for what to do over disagreements. You could take Dan Calloway's suggestion (although you'll need a backup plan in case the two of you still disagree). You just decide when there's a disagreement, you'll stop what's causing it and bring it to your coach during your next lesson. You may have a mutual dance friend who you can ask to decide between your viewpoints. The point is there's a pre-determined manner in which the issue will be resolved. This way, when the disagreement starts, it can be solves without arguing.
Some may feel this is an inappropriate topic, however the reality is that it happens. Often. This is ultimately a personal decision, and there are no right answers, despite what some may claim. However, there are many issues should this happen, and in order to have a successful relationship, of either type, you should understand and prepare for them.
Throughout, I have referred to a partnership as equivalent to an (amorous) relationship. When you date your partner, you must realize that you now have two relationships between the both of you.
The situation can arise by one of two means. First, you and your significant other may have been dating before you started dancing (or started dancing at the same time you started dating, as a good couple activity). If so, be sure to pay careful attention to the questions to ask your partner. Just because your romantic relationship makes sense for the both of you, don't simply assume a dance partnership is equally suited to the two of you.
Second, you can be dancing together for some period of time before you start dating. (I've seen it range from weeks to years.) How to ask you your dance partner is way beyond the scope of this document. But I will say that there's the obvious risk that even trying to start an amorous relationship may harm (possibly irreparably) the dance relationship.
There are benefits to dating your dance partner. To begin with, scheduling is easier, since you two already coordinate your schedules. There's also less change your significant other will get jealous of your dance partner.
Of course, there are also potential downsides. Relationships, of either type, of hard enough alone. This just further complicates them. What usually happens is that the relationships get coupled (no pun intended). Disagreements in one spill over into the other. Often this manifests itself for each gender as follows. After arguing during dance practice (or competition), guys put it behind them. Women will carry the frustration into the next activity (e.g. dinner together). Guys, tend to treat both relationships the same. If there is an imbalance in one (e.g. he tends to choose where the couple goes out), this imbalance will carry into the dance relationship. Of course, any serious problems, e.g. to the point of not talking to each other, will also end up effecting both relationships.
The choice of whether or not to date your partner is a very complicated and very personal one. If you decide to do it, make sure you and your partner understand the issues involved.
First, you both need to decide the relationship is going to end. Obviously, if one wants to end it but not the other, there's little that can be done by the latter party.
Once you've decided that the relationship will end, and you pick a time (after a certain competition most likely), you need to decide how public the information will be and how soon. It may not be an issue to you, but maybe your partner doesn't everyone to know yet. Irregardless of the reason, you should respect your partner's wishes. Do not simply start mentioning to people that the relationship is going to end, without getting your partners ok.
When you do approach someone else as a potential new partner, be sure to let him or her know if this information (i.e. your looking for a new partner) should be keep under wraps, and for how long.
Finally note that some people feel that at the advanced levels, some judges may not pay as much attention to a partnership that is known to be ending soon, and so it may hurt that couple's placing. (I make no claim as to the validity of this statement, simply that I've heard it said.)
What about competitions? Are you allowed to compete with other people? What if your partner doesn't dance that style? What if your partner can't make that particular competition and there's someone else available?
Finally, can you have multiple partners? If so, the questions get more complicated. Who gets priority? What if the dancing in one of the partnerships isn't as strong? And if your partners have other partner... Don't get too intimidated. There are plenty of people who have multiple partners, and I've seen quite large "partner chains." I also know of at least one married couple that danced together, but the gentleman also danced a different style with a different partner.
I would welcome any and all feedback. You can contact me at hershey *at* -alum.mit.edu-.